As far as I am concern, we all live on Planet Earth. Yeah; that is the colorful balloon which spins somewhere in the Universe around Sun among the other planets. We all walk the same pathways and eat (most likely) similar food. We all should enjoy the time given to us here.
When we turn on the television, we often hear about young and old people killing themself - people who are exhausted, flustrated and down. These are people who gave up their lives because they could not keep up with the life situations they were put into. As we watch the news we feel gratefull that it has nothing to do with us. Are you really sure it is not about us? Are you really sure you are not involved in such a process? Do you really think you are immune to it? Are you the victim or a killer?
The Victim
Imagine a young man who was raised by a single mother. The young man’s mother would give all her love to him and surely would be ready to give up her own life to save her child’s life. The mother encouraged her son everyday and raised him to become a well-respected individual. The young man was growing up with smiles and love for his mother. Suddenly, his mother found a life partner she wants to keep. Her partner did not like her son and would seek, on every occasion, to pull him down - using words like “ You will never be a man” or “ You are not good enough even to graduate at school”. How do you think this young man felt after hearing such comments?
Imagine a young woman working in an office. She would always try to work the best that she could, but for her Boss it would never be enough. She would take overtime to work harder but all she would gain was emptiness in her life. She would loose confidence and respect for herself.
Imagine a married couple - a woman who loves her husband. She gets up first in the morning to take care of the house and make her husband satisfied. She does the washing, she cooks and tries to keep her marriage working. Her husband, however, sits on a chair, reading the newspaper while barking commands at her. Sometimes he would say “ Why did I marry you?” or “What happen to the pretty girl that iI used to know?”
Imagine that you are involved in one of the examples given here. What would you feel?
- Low self esteem
- Low confidence
- Depressed
- Unimportant
- Closed inside
Everyone, I am not affraid to say, “Everyone” has been a victim. It does not matter if you are a boy, a man, a girl, a woman or a businessman. We all have gone throught a rough time and were victims of the situation we were placed into. I was one of them too!
My personal discovery
When I was a child I was raised by my Mother. Father was not around as he left when I was five years old. Along with my sister, we had a nice childhood. Even living in a Communist State was not the best of childhood memories, we were lucky to live in the closing years of that domination over our homeland.
When I reached school age, I was very shy and I would say I was not a cute boy. Older guys and schoolmates were always telling me that I am ugly. They would walk in a doorway, pushing me aside, just to make fun of me. I was always the bag to kick at or laugh at. I allowed myself to live that way. I was so eager to make friends with the older students but for them, I was just someone to make fun of. They would throw water at me and laugh. My sister did not face the same issues. She was the pretty one and always ready to fight.
As we grew older, I went to college convincing myself not to let anyone get me down. However, I was the kind of guy with learning difficulties. Basicly I was not smart and even the teachers knew it. By that time I was pretty locked inside myself and even created my own imaginary world (which I will not go deep into). At the age of 17, I jump off a bridge. The fall broke my ankle. I am not sure why I did it but most likely I was calling for attention
The first relief in my closed world came after I graduated and left the schooling system. If anyone ask me if I would ever go back to school I would strictly say “no way”. As time went by, I worked on many odd jobs and always struggled with communication. I was too soft for my Bosses and always ended up exhausted and rejected.
To make the story shorter, I ended up with the following feelings. Even though I am a very friendly and chatty person, I have a low self esteem - constantly thinking I have to prove something to everyone, pushing myself to work harder (only to feel more exhausted at the end of each day). There was no one telling me that I am not good enough anymore. It was me telling myself stuff like “ You are not good enough” or “Don’t do this or that as it’s pointless”. I would simply destroy anything that I felt positive about and turn it into negativity. I know it sounds childish. I would compare myself to a boy who comes into a sandbox and destroy all the castles other kids created. When I finally came to my doctor with questions, he offered me pills to “elevate my mood”. I knew then that there was something wrong.....
My question is: Have you ever felt like this in your life? Do you ever fight with the feelings that you are useless, not good enough? Have you ever come to the conclusion that whatever you do is pointless? Have you ever asked “Why”?
The Killer
So what is the biggest killer in this world? Who or what is that monster with such ability? Can you guess what it is? Can we find it or touch it? Let’s find out!
If we think of the examples that we talked about earlier, we might come to the conclusion that the killer represents all the people who make us feel miserable. You could start thinking that your never-satisfied Boss is the killer as he makes you feel down, depressed. When he shouts at you, you might think that his words or anger stabs you right in your heart. A lonely woman in a complicated marriage might think her husband is the killer as he belittles her with every word or act towards her. A young student might get the feeling that a killer might be his teacher who always blames him and seeks to catch him unprepared in class. A shy person might believe that the killer is a person who looks down at others, making fun of them. Others might think that people who bully gay and lesbian people are the killers.
Let’s try to be a Detective for a whille and lets make a profile version of a killer. Let’s focus on attributes which well-describe a killer. If you are not getting bored with this article by now, you may soon see the biggest killer in our world.
Most of us would describe a killer as someone strong, smart, passionate, and manipulative. A killer is someone who hides and awaits for his chance to attack. Others might say that a killer is someone mentally ill and creepy. A killer could also be someone or something who wants to mislead and control the victim.
Let’s face the truth
Each of us is affraid of something. I am affraid of spiders and people who would tickle my feet. You might be affraid of a little mouse. A great swimmer might be affraid of sharks. There is always something we are affraid of. Most likely we avoid enviroments where we could face things we are affraid of.
There is one thing we can never be prepared for - something that can destroy our confidence in a minute, a power which may lead us to become insane. The great killer most of us never even notice is a silent seeker to disturb us and make us feel uncomfortable with ourself. Can you see where I am going? Let’s unfold the cards and face the truth.
The biggest killer of all time is our own mind. Yeah, you heard it right! Thanks to our mind we can feel self-destructive, exhausted, unimportant, without value, and/or depressed.
People can shout at us, they can judge us, but it’s our mind that can change it. If you let your uncontrolled mind rule your life, you will become sensitive, irritated, depressed, and much more. Our mind is a tool to make us weak or strong. Only you can choose which way you want to go. You can either be a slave to your negative mind or make your mind work to your benefit.
Let me use a simple example to show what I am talking about.
You wake up on a sunny morning, feeling happy and relaxed. When you come to the office, you start working on your dailly assigments and all goes smooth and well. Suddenly your Boss comes into your office. You can see in his face that you should not expect a nice friendly talk at all. Then he starts telling you about things you have not done or should have done. He unpolitelly tells you “if you were doing your job properly, all would have been done by now”. What would be your reaction to this situation?
If you are a slave to your negative mind : You would probably feel upset, devastated that your Boss does not see the efforts you are putting into your work. You might even feel offended and raise your voice at your Boss. After he leaves, you start having doubts about yourself. You might even think that he was right and that is exactly the moment when your negative mind takes the lead!
If you make your mind work for you: You would listen to your Boss without trying to defend yourself. You would understand that he just having a bad day and maybe his personal life pretty much sucks. You would stay positive, thinking he is not being personally upset with your work but maybe a team work you are involved in. When he leaves your office, you would look out of window and watch the most sunny day you were awarded that day.
Be You
It does not matter Where you come from. We all are unique. Sometimes we forget to appreciate ouselves and what we achieve. Sometimes we have to fight harder to be noticed, to be heard. Staying positive is not always easy but is not impossible. Remember that every little step can make a huge impact into your life. A positive thinking pattern can turn your life into directions you never thought of before.